And now for some George Lucas fun...
A Jerk Fan interviews George Lucas about the upcoming release of Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith.
Jerk Fan: Thanks for being here, George.
George Lucas: Thanks for having me.
JF: I was kidding. F*ck you.
GL: I guess they aren't going to be playing this on the Disney channel, like my manager said.
JF: How old are you, twelve?
GL: I was just kind of hoping that this whole thing would be more kid-friendly.
JF: What, like the Ewoks?
GL: Test markets proved that the Ewoks were very adorable.
JF: So are the Tellitubies. It doesn't mean that they freak me out any less.
GL: I thought you had some questions for me on Episode III?
JF: And what's up with Anakin being so creepy? "You look just like I remember you...in my dreams for the last ten years". I thought you said Episode II was a romance.
GL: Episode III?
JF: All right, all right. So what's up with General Grievous? That sounds like the kind of name I'd have come up with at recess in the second grade.
GL: General Grievous is a leader in the Separatist Movement, second in command under Lord Dooku.
JF: I can't believe you're making it this easy.
GL: What?
JF: So, is Grievous a former Jedi Knight, or just another CGI creation?
GL: He was designed to be the ultimate...
JF: You're really starting to bore me. What's up with all the people who think that Darth Sidious isn't Palpatine? Were they watching the same movies I was?
GL: A lot of people think there's a possibility that Darth Sidious and Palpatine aren't the same person.
JF: Those would be the same people that think General Grievous sounds "cool", right?
GL: I don't follow.
JF: I'm saying it's obvious that Palpatine is Sidius, and behind the entire Separatist Movement simply to force the Empire to create a standing army and give it to him, in order to fight the Separatists and strengthen the empire. He will never be revealed as Sidius to the public at large, but Dooku will fall as the leader of the movement and Palpatine will come off as the hero. The actions of the Jedi Council will be revealed, it will be shown that they took no action (or not nearly enough action) to stop the menace of the Separatists, and that their own members even had a hand in it (mostly Dooku, who will be revealed to have been a Jedi Knight, throwing doubt on the entire order of Jedi Knights). Anakin will kill Dooku in battle, and become the avenging force for the wronged Empire, hunting down and killing any and every Jedi Knight. I mean, it's not like you're writing Shakespeare here.
GL: How did you figure all of that out? Did you pay money to access my website and talk with other Star Wars fans from the comforts of your dark and lonely room?
JF: George, you're not much of a writer. I'm impressed with the amount of subtlety you did manage to fit into Episode's I & II, but again...it's more of a Scoobie Doo plot than a Maltese Falcon. In fact, I could almost see the crew from Scoobie Doo swooping in at the end to unmask the nefarious villain...Count Dooku himself!!
GL: I always thought that Scoobie Doo was a clever show.
JF: I f*cking hate you.
