conversations with smoot by worm 4

In which Fred Smoot and I take Arlo to the vet. (August, 2006)

(Location: the examination room, waiting for the veterinarian)

Me: Really Fred, you didn't need to come along. The vet's just gonna give her a shot and then we're done.

Smoot: That's cool, man. I ain't never been to a vet before, especially one with a security guard at the door.

Me: That's my fault. I called ahead and told them you were coming.

Smoot: You funny. But check this out, I gots a deal with my PO; this should take care of my last hour of community service. Alls I gotta do is hold Arlo down when they give her the shot and I'm golden.

Me: That counts as community service?

Smoot: Yeah, I suckered that guy into thinking we were friends, you know - hangin out with him and stuff, so he cut me a pretty sweet deal.

Me: A cool guy like you friends with a pasty, fat loser like that guy? He bought that? What a rube.

Smoot: Um, yeah... he's an idiot alright... So, uhhh... is it hot in here or what? What's takin that vet so long? We've been in here for, what, like 20 minutes?

Me: (petting Arlo) Six. Take it easy man, you're stressing her out.

Smoot: (scratching Arlo's head) Yeah, sorry bout that, cat. Just a shot... ain't no thing. Hey! What the!?! She bit my hand!

Me: Yeah, she'll do that. Watch out now, she's getting ready to pounce.

Smoot: Whoa! Damn, I think she broke the skin.

Me: Lighten up, she's just playing.

Smoot: Like hell! I ain't goin out like dat. (to Arlo as the female vet enters the exam room) You're dead, bitch, ya hear me? YA DEAD!

Vet: How dare you threaten me! Do I need to call security?

Smoot: Naw, lady, I wasn't talkin to you. I was talkin to that bitch.

Vet: I don't see any dog in here. That's obviously a cat. (to me) Do you know this man?

Me: Ummmm... no. I thought he worked here.

Vet: SECURITY!!!

Smoot: Awww hell no! Smoot out!