conversations with smoot by worm 4

Preparing for the season opener with Smoot. (September, 2006)

Me: Trust me Fred, this is gonna work. Here's your controller.

Smoot: TecmoBowl? Man, I don't know...

Me: It'll help you recognize formations and anticipate routs. You've got a big game Monday night against the Redskins. You wanna be ready don't you?

Smoot: Yeah but... you only got like four plays to choose from, and this is like 15 years old, man. Nobody playin today is in this. You too cheap to buy Madden or somethin?

Me: That's not a problem. Look at it this way, Art Monk is Santana Moss, Ricky Sanders is Antwaan Randle-El, and Gary Clark is Brandon Lloyd. On the other side, Winfield is Carl Lee and you're Reggie Rutland.

Smoot: Reggie Rutland? Man, that's no good. Can't I be Najee Mustafa?

Me: They're the same guy.

Smoot: Yeah, I know that, but I can't get no play with a name like Reggie Rutland. But I know that those fine lookin women of Minnesota would go wild for a guy named Najee Mustafa.

Me: Go ahead and call him Mustafa then, it doesn't matter. Now you'll need to study the formations, make sure you know who you're covering and where he's going, Ok?

Smoot: Yeah, whatever. I have done this before ya know. And unlike you, I can afford a Playstation. Just hike the ball.

Me: Ok, here we go... I've got Monk open on the sideline... where you at Smoot?... well look at that. First play goes for an 80-yard touchdown.

Smoot: Man!... that was Winfield's guy.

Me: No, that was you.

Smoot: Whatever. Let's do this again.

Me: We can go all day if we need to. Say, what time does the flight to Washington leave?

Smoot: Noon.

Me: Noon?!? That's in 20 minutes! You gotta get outta here!

Smoot: Naw, man. It's cool. Coach told me last week that since I was late to practice again I didn't need to worry bout bein on time for the flight. I'll just catch a plane tomorrow. It's all good.

Me: (dropping controller) Well, I guess there's no need to get you ready for the game then. I better call my bookie...

Smoot: Come on now, let's do this again. You ain't gonna score on me no mo.

Me: Whatever, here we go... I've got Sanders open across the middle... well look at that. Another 80-yard touchdown.

Smoot: Damn... was that Winfield?

Me: No, that was you.