conversations with smoot by worm 4

In which Fred Smoot fills in on Bring Your Daughter to Work Day: (April, 2006)

(Tuesday April 4, 7:02 AM, generic health insurance corporate headquarters, 2nd floor)

Me: ...and here's my cubicle. What do you think?

Smoot: I don't get it... where are all the ladies?

Me: Trust me Fred, you don't want to have anything to do with these ladies. Have you ever heard of office ass?

Smoot: Hehehe, that's just a bigger target, baby. Besides, maybe I won't be the only daughter here today, if you know what I mean. Hehehe.

Me: That's not cool, Fred. At least try to make it through the day without committing a sex crime, ok.

Smoot: Yeah, whatever.

Me: You know, I've gotta say, I'm impressed that you were already awake and waiting for me on the curb like that. I figured you'd still be sleeping when I got to your place to pick you up.

Smoot: Nigger, I've been awake for three days! We were half way here before I realized that you wasn't a ghost.

Me: Really? That can't be good. Now, I don't want to turn this into an intervention or anything, but there are a dozen psychologists up on the 4th floor who would be more than happy to talk to you about your problems. I could introduce you, if you want me to. It might do you some good.

Smoot: Na, man. I'm in a good place right now. Check back before training camp - I've got a roster bonus to think about. So, what's Smoot gonna be doing all day?

Me: Well, Tuesday is usually a pretty slow day. And since most of my work is confidential, you won't be able to do my job. But you can help copy files for the department later today. Other people will put their files into that basket there, then you just make a copy, put the original in the basket to the right and the copy in the basket to the left. But, like I said, this stuff is all confidential, so while you copy files, you can't read them.

Smoot: Read? Yeah, that won't be a problem, man. Can you show me where the legal size paper for the copier is at?

Me: Sure, but the standard size paper should do the job for these files.

Smoot: Na, man, it ain't for the files. I was hoping to make some copies of Little Rodney for the ladies in the department. You know, see who's cool. And 8 1/2 x 11 just ain't gonna hold Little Rodney, hehehe.

Me: Fred, I really don't want to get fired today. Little Rodney is gonna have to stay in your pants. Can you do that for me?

Smoot: I guess. So what do we do till we get something to work on?

Me: Well, I've gotten pretty good at looking busy without doing any actual work. I usually spend an hour or so reading the newspaper, then spend another couple hours just staring at the cubicle wall until lunch time. You should have no problem making people think you're working though. I mean, we all saw the Carolina game.

Smoot: Too soon, baby. Way too soon.

Me: Yeah, that was pretty low. Sorry about that.

Smoot: (looking at watch) So, uh... does this place have a cafeteria?

Me: Yeah it's right down sta...

Smoot: Smoot out.