I use to be vanilla ice. You know, pop star extraordinaire, a stupid zigzag cut in my hair, far to many people singing my song. i'm not vanilla ice anymore, maybe i was yesterday or maybe it was five years ago, but not today. Today I am who you see in this picture here in front of you, well not today but the person in that picture is who i will become, at least today he is. you see i woke up this morning and thought to myself, what if i hadn't fallen off of that jungle gym when i was five or what if maggie hadn't been my first girlfriend or any number of other possibilities in my past that led me to be sitting right here, right now. what if one little stitch in my past was altered every night while i slept, and every day upon waking i became someone new. My wife tells me i struggle with this every morning, but then she's just a part of today so she would say that. maybe my wife yesterday would never have said anything like that, and maybe that wife will sit across from me today at the cafe, never knowing she didn't say those things. think of the possbilities. no more consequences. Whatever I do today will be gone tomorrow, so why not do whatever I please? My wife reminds me that the last time I talked that way I spent three weeks in jail, but I'm having a harder and harder time accepting her as reality. I quiz her on my past until I realize I myself am a part and parcel of this fantasy world. How do I escape it? Just because I know it is there doesn't seem to change anything. I'm still bound by its rules, a slave to its normality. My wife tells me if I keep this up she is going to leave me, and afraid of being alone even if I know it is only until I fall asleep again I am afraid and concede to her wishes. I accept this world, these rules, not knowing how to change them. but sitting there, at the base of my neck, stretching it's fingers out at every opportunity is the knowledge that I used to be vanilla ice.