I used to drink water from the drinking fountain (or bubbler, if you're confused by my lingo). It was fresh and cold and tasted very good. I've had the same blue cup for the past 4 1/2 years, and I used to fill it at the water fountain several times each day.

Then something broke in the water fountain. It started to taste stale, and it wasn't cold any longer. I told a guy in the warehouse, and he checked it out. He said some tube wasn't connected any longer, but he reconnected it and it seemed fine to him now. Obviously he didn't drink out of the water fountain every day, otherwise he would have known it was no longer the same water.

So I stopped drinking water out of the water fountain and started using the Culligan Water Cooler provided in our office. The water isn't as good as the old drinking fountain, something tastes odd about it. And it tastes much worse when it gets warm than the old drinking fountain water does. I used to be able to drink that stuff warm or cold, but not this stuff. My plants get more than enough water nowadays, what with the crappy warm water and all.

Ever since I started using the Culligan Water Cooler, I've had several water related incidents here at the office.

The first involved me filling my water cup at the cooler, then simply dropping it on the carpet in front of the cooler. Granted, this could have just as easily happened in front of the drinking fountain, but it happened in front of the Culligan Water Cooler. One of those involuntary bursts of strangeness where the muscles in my hand just decided to stop working for a moment.

The Culligan Water Cooler is right in front of my bosses office, so I had to decide whether or not to fess up to the giant water stain in front of her door or just let her think it was someone else. The latter meant that I'd probably have to go back to the crappy drinking fountain water for a while, to take myself off the list of suspects that used the Culligan Water Cooler.

But I just couldn't bring myself to go back to the drinking fountain. Every once in a while I'll try it out again. It's always disappointing.

So I got some towels and cleaned up my water spill the best I could. It didn't really do anything, as most of the water soaked into the carpet. But at least everyone saw that I was responsible. That's right, I'm the guy who just dropped his glass of water on the carpet. Hey, I ran into some filing cabinets yesterday. People really shouldn't be surprised by this sort of behaviour.

When I started using the Culligan Water Cooler, I figured I better learn how to change the water. So I wouldn't be one of those assholes that drinks the last of the water and leaves an empty container in my dust. So I had Tracy show me how to change the water. It's surprisingly simple. It consists of taking the empty container off of the Culligan Water Cooler, then putting the new one on. I wish there was more to it than that, but it's really that simple. It has a needle type thing, like on air pumps, that gets inserted into the new container as you set it on top of the Culligan Water Cooler. No chance of spilling water, right?

Apparently, if you drop the water containers, the can break. They're something like plastic (or maybe they just are plastic), so they have some give and bounce when you drop them. I know this because I of course did some experimenting. But all of my experimenting left me with an unbroken water container. I figured I was safe. If I ever dropped one, I'd be good. I am prone to dropping things (see above).

So, last Friday, carrying the water container to the Culligan Water Cooler, I dropped it. Straight down, right on the flat bottom (which then becomes the top when set on the Culligan Water Cooler). The entire flat disc that is the bottom (and top) shattered, letting water pour out across my feet and the floor. I quickly grasped the container and flipped it over, to contain the water.

Now, by quickly, I mean about five seconds and half a water container after I dropped it. My reaction time isn't always the greatest, and I was a bit stunned that it had actually broken. I pondered my options momentarily before realizing I needed to do something quickly.

I was left with a water soaked hallway and a wet floor sign. I also had soggy shoes for the rest of the day. And pruny feet when I got home.

We won't even get in to the year I experimented with coffee.

And in case you're bored right now, I did tell you this would be thoroughly uninteresting. Didn't you believe me?